I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
