McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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