everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
