he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
