he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
