It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
