Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
