i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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