the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
