Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
