Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
