Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
