Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
