She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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