I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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