how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
