toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
