so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
