goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
