Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
