If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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