thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
