Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
