you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
