and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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