I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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