you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize