i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
