I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
