You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
