It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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