I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
