what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
