Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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