Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize