I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
