This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
