Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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