i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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