im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
