I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
