so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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