i don't like sucking hair
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
