I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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