there was a trapeze. enough said
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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