I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
