I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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