So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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