In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
