He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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