i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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