wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
