There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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