My room smells like vodka and shame
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
