dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
