Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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