We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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