Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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