I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
