is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
