We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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